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Finding Self-Acceptance After Believing the Wrong Story

On March 14, 2013, I read something that had me in tears and had me admitting a hard truth to myself.

Literally 31 days later, I was signing W4’s and completing employment forms. I went back to being “employed” and, this is the part that surprised me most.

The story I was telling myself prior to taking the job had me feeling like an internet marketing failure.

Stopping isn’t the same as quitting. It’s more like gathering your wits and finding your bearings.

I JUST KNEW I was going to quit doing internet marketing because I still believed I couldn’t do both.

And for a while I did stop. But stopping isn’t quitting.

The story I was telling myself and that I allowed myself to believe – literally held me back from sense of relief, release, freedom and hunger, I hadn’t felt since I lost the job I never got the chance to start. (That’s a whole other story.)

Suffice it to say the fear, worry and stress created by a story I told myself, along with a healthy dose of shame mixed in for good measure, kept me stagnant for a couple of years.

And I didn’t WANT to see it. So to hide it even better, I added optimistically high hope to convince myself that I wasn’t cowering in fear.

You have to be willing to see the story for what it is.

My beliefs about myself were hot one moment and cold the next. This ensured that any action I tried to take was cancelled out quickly.

I was getting luck warm results at best with my online efforts.

That same optimistic hope kept me believing I was going to eventually find the single magic online bullet and strike it rich. (There is a single magic bullet called – work.)

And the most interesting thing about the entire experience is that – the fear of being employed morphed into a general fear of work.

And it was all in my mind.

Telling you this is triggering it’s own level of shame. I think, you’ll think …

And what I realize is that I don’t control or even own what you think.

We each own our own thoughts. But we don’t always have to believe everything we think.

I only own what I think. And I thought this way for years. I also struggled for years, not believing that what I want to achieve IS fully achievable and I have the strength, compassion, work ethic and desire to achieve it.

Now that I look back on things I’ve written and said, I realize I was trying to do this alone. And when I say alone, I mean without God and the love, especially the love. God is LOVE.

There was a large and growing weed of doubt, sucking all the nutrition rich joy of being in service to you out of me.

Well I’m chopping that weed down now. I’ll be digging out the roots as well. I’ll watch for suckers to pop up (because they will) and I’ll cut those down too.

I have no idea what God has in store for me but I know this …

Aren’t their voices lovely. What long held false story is stealing your joy?

P.S. Learn more about and support The Children of the World International Choir.

17 Responses to Finding Self-Acceptance After Believing the Wrong Story

  1. Wow! That’s telling it the way it is! You know what? I’ve made the same mistakes in the past, so many times. Let’s promise ourselves never to make them again! Thanks for writing this inspirational and challenging article. I am going to pass on your link back to here, ’cause I know many other people need your advice!

  2. Hey Minna! Love what you said – we each own our own thoughts. Such a powerful truth to live by! I’ve had to learn over the years that I’m not responsible for how other people act or think – I’m only responsible for how I act and think. I hope you’re finding your way back to IM. 🙂

  3. I was concerned about you Minna. I didn’t understand the reason you took the job and after a spell of you telling me that you weren’t quitting Internet marketing – I had given up on the idea that you would be back.

    It’s nice to see that things are changing for you and that your hopes of making a “go” of it online are within your reach.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to write to me. I’m here to support you, whatever you decide.

  4. Claudia, boy howdy. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve practiced. And yet the results thus far are amazing.

  5. You disappeared. Now I know why. Good on you for being open and honest in your post. It can’t have been easy but it shows the strength and courage of the woman who wrote it.

    We hope that others will accept us, not thinking that we have to accept ourselves FIRST.

    Lovely to have you back, you courageous woman!

  6. Mindset is so important. I wondered what had happened to you – so glad you’re alright.

    Thank you for your open and honest post and for showing what a courageous woman you are.

    Welcome back!

  7. You’ll have 2 or 3 comments from me because there’s some sort of error message appearing under this box. I’ve tried to reply 3 times and the first 2 disappeared.

    The message is:
    It appears that you are offline or another error occurred contacting the API url, have you set it to use www or missed the www off the api url??? check the technical settings and add or remove www from the api url.


  8. Failing is the path to success, knowledge, wisdom, love. We all need them to learn.
    Take another path for a while, thread it backwards, stop and look, lay down or try tying several paths together for a while.
    Rampages are beautiful, tear them down. 🙂

  9. Minna,

    I truly appreciate your honesty and openness. Sometimes I feel like we’re living duplicate lives but the truth is that this is what most people experience on their internet journeys. You’re just brave enough to write about it truthfully.